I can’t apologize for my story. I won’t apologize. My blog lately has become a fine balance between my work and my heart and if you’ve been following me here for the past few years, you would understand why. Not sure what I mean? Go here. And here … and here. Writing reaches deep inside me, and becomes a vessel for me to let it all out.
Thanks for letting do that in between the happiest of moments, beautiful weddings, killer seniors and drool worthy details.
come close. No … closer.
I need you now more than I have in awhile. I felt you close when I said my last goodbye to one of the great loves of this life. I felt you when I turned away from him for the last time. And when I looked out into the room that day and saw all the sad faces of the people who loved him. I felt you close as I told my babies their daddy was never coming home to hug them, tickle them, tuck them in. I felt you then. It was one of the most real feelings I’ve ever felt. I felt a shift in the air that day and many others days to follow. And I most certainly a shift in my heart. You came close and filled me with a strength that I never thought existed within me. I sometimes don’t know where you, Grace came from on those darkest, darkest days. But you were there for me when I needed you. Then you slowly tiptoed silently off into the shadows as I learned how to stand on my own two feet again. As I managed all of the enormous changes in my life and for my little family. I could still feel you, and knew I could call on you at any second should I need you. And I did. Time, and time again. As we moved into a new home leaving our memories behind, as I fell in love again with an amazing man and allowed my children to do the same. You were there.
I need you again, Grace. Close. Closer to me now. As I help dear friends navigate the dark & stormy waters of their own loss. A time when they may feel hopeless, exhausted and scared. Please come close to me so I can get close to them. This brings me full circle and in the throes on my own loss, and I know it won’t be easy. My wounds are still fresh. There are many details of those first few hours, days and weeks that I haven’t the thought about in awhile. It all comes rushing back now.
Grace, I need you more than ever.
Please, come close.